Anxiety, Control, Faith, Insecurity, Life, Obedience, Patience, Pride, Trust, Worry

Waiting

“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.”  

Psalm 25:4-5

 

Although waiting is defined as “The act of remaining inactive or stationary it seems it takes more energy to wait upon the Lord than it does to jump ahead of Him and do what we think He wants us to do.  Right now, my husband and I are experiencing a time of waiting and it’s hard. At times I feel like a little kid holding my breath, about to burst with anticipation. It isn’t a matter of doubting God’s goodness or faithfulness but it is a matter of not trusting His timing. As we wait I feel restless and sometimes anxiety rises as I think about the options before us, including all the possible outcomes. I find myself wanting to do something, anything to make me feel like there is progress being made. But, the Bible says to wait upon the Lord. The problem comes when I focus on the next step rather than on the relationship. In all things God draws us to Himself. In waiting He is asking for us to trust His love. He is asking us, as our Heavenly Father, to believe His plans are for our good.

However, right now I feel like I’m warming a bench at a bus stop. I’m not sure of the bus schedule but know it will come eventually because my father told me it would. But it’s been awhile and I’m starting to wonder if I heard correctly, so I call Him.

“Hey, Dad, it’s me.”

“Hi sweetie! How are you?”

“I’m ok. Just sitting here waiting for the bus. It’s been twenty minutes. I was just wondering if I’m at the right stop.”

“Are you where I sent you?”

“Yessss!”

“Then you’re at the right stop. Is there anything else? You seem stressed.”

“No. I just think it’s taking too long. I was thinking of walking.”

“Just wait there. I’ll talk with you until the bus comes.”

“Ok. I’m kind of anxious about the trip anyway. I’ve never been there before. How do I know I’ll like it?”

“I understand. Doing something new is hard, but I wouldn’t send you someplace that wasn’t going to be good for you. And you can talk to me anytime. Just trust me.”

“I do. It’s just I don’t always feel good about it.”

“Just remember I love you. That’s it. I love you.”

“Okay Dad. I know. I love you too.”

Do you believe God is there, talking to you in the waiting? Many times, instead of talking to God I look for the next step. Something to “do” instead of spending time with Him in intimate conversation. Of course, sometimes it’s hard discerning between the vision and the timing. Like Abraham, God showed us a picture of what would glorify Him–what He wanted us to do by faith, and yet we do not have the green light. Instead of peacefully waiting on the bench God has provided, I feel like walking or hitch-hiking or maybe taking a scooter. I want to be set free to do what I want (for God of course) without any restraints. But God is not incompetent, nor does He procrastinate. The waiting period is a time of molding and testing and a time to cultivate intimacy with Him. Just like a wild horse is mastered in the coral, God pens us in for the refining process, keeping us close to Him as he works out the willful pride and self-reliance that I am so easily bent toward. I don’t like it–AT ALL! But, because of His love, I am willing.

“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”

Habakkuk 2:3.

Life, Rest, Sanctification, Submission, Uncategorized

Rise Up

“From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised.” Psalm 113:3

My son says I am the queen of metaphors.  So, imagine my delight when I woke up this morning to the colors of the rainbow smeared across the sky.  This stunning scene got me thinking about the sun.  It sets and rises simultaneously every second of every day somewhere in the world while constantly bursting forth life giving light.  We can see the sun’s beauty revealed as it sets and find joy in the warmth of its rays, especially after a cold day or a long winter.  More importantly, we enjoy life through the sun. It is essential for our very existence.  In other words, the earth, bound by the glory of the sun, would have no life without it.

(Metaphor alert) As Christians we too are sustained by The Son.  Luke 22:70 says, “‘Are You the Son of God?’ and Jesus said to them, ‘Yes, I AM.'”  Also, Hebrews 1:3 says, “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.”  Jesus, therefore, is the giver of life and, as we “spin” on our fleshly axis bound by this world and our physical bodies, the Son rises within us everyday.  Jesus also referred to Himself as The Life (John 14:6), The Light of the world (John 8:12), The Giver of Living Water (John 4:10) and The Bread of life (John 6:35;48) which are all forms of vital sustenance.  Therefore, what determines good fruit like joy, love and hope is purposefully soaking up The Light so He can shine through our brokenness.

Unfortunately, the last few days I have been scattered, anxious, distracted and overwhelmed because of the lack of time I have to complete my to-do list.  This myopic focus stole my joy and, quite frankly, made me unpleasant to be around.  I found myself stuck in a dark cave of self-imposed “to-do’s,” unable to see the distant future or focus on God, Who is the Light of the world AND The Giver of life.  Instead, I determined to master something I had absolutely no control over and fell into a well of hopelessness.  I needed a Son-bathing session which God graciously gave me this morning.  He gently “set my mind on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:2) re-calibrating my mind to His as He warmed my cold heart with the light of His Word.  After realizing this “light” deficiency in my spirit the following list of questions was birthed:

  • Am I allowing the clouds of hopelessness to be blown aside by the Holy Spirit who fills me with the hope of the glory of God that does not disappoint, today? (Romans 5:2-5)
  • Did I soak in the loving, healing rays of my LORD, Jesus, today?  (Psalm 147:3)
  • Has my spiritual skin been changed by His Word to the point where I literally glow for Christ, today?  (Matthew 5:14-16)

My hope is that these questions will help you experience the amazing hues of God’s love for you on a daily basis.  So, the next time you see a gorgeous sunrise let it remind you that we are not bound by this world.  Rather, the life we have is in the eternal, powerful, magnificent, RISEN, Son of God!

Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.  For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

Colossians 3:1-4

Uncategorized

More than I could ask or imagine!

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Have you ever been so blessed you just cant stand it? Like the sun on a hot summer day when its brightness is too much to take in, abundant blessings can be hard to absorb. This past Wednesday was a day like that for our family.

On Tuesday, June 9th, the Baltimore Orioles chose our youngest son, Ryan, in the fourth round of the MLB draft. The following day we celebrated his graduation and new baseball career with friends and family, including many of Ryan’s youth baseball All-star teammates and their families. The joy was palpable. It wasn’t just the excitement of the moment but the delight of the Lord that was apparent everywhere you looked; sacrificial love, abundant grace, pure joy and warm fellowship that all reflected the heart of God.

Initially, I saw sacrificial love in Sean, our oldest son, as he played Can Jam with his cousin. Sean stayed home an extra week, postponing his internship, because he wanted to be with his brother to celebrate this special time. Then, God’s abundant grace was evident in the sunshine and warmth, the surprisingly beautiful and delicious food the caterers prepared and the extra games brought by our nephew, which everyone enjoyed immensely.

Moreover, the decorations which were a gift from a friend created such an atmosphere of joy you couldn’t help but smile when looking at the six centerpieces full of baseballs, American flags, Big League Chew, peanuts and Cracker Jacks, not to mention the “home plate” paper cut outs which handsomely anchored each display. Best of all, the warm fellowship we experienced with our friends was such a gift. The whole community was cheering for Ryan and showered their love on him and our family that day. We felt God’s pleasure.

In retrospect, I can hardly absorb the brightness of the blessing, especially against the backdrop of our failings.  God met the needs of our children, filling in the cracks left by imperfect parents, and led them to an abundant life in Him. There were many rough roads, struggles and doubts but to quote Beth Moore, “You cannot amputate your history from your destiny, because that is redemption.” (Esther Study). Boy did we experience redemption this past week! God is able to do far more than we could ever ask or imagine and He longs to give good gifts to His children.

Uncategorized

Absolute Love

“And He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction.’” Mark 5:34

Recently God convicted me of having an unclean flow of criticism. He also showed me a dark corner of my heart where unbelief was feeding off my fear of joy and my need for conditional love.   This perverse need is based on pride and rooted in the lie that no one can be trusted, not even God, and I have to earn love and acceptance. If I could only stay hidden and touch Jesus surreptitiously so no one has to know my secret shame then I’ll be okay. What I found was that I am much harder on others and on myself than God would ever be. Jesus performed the only deed that could win my freedom. He is the only One that can make me clean, cutting off the flow of words that cut off fellowship from the very people I love so dearly.

However, we live in a cynical world where we are all susceptible to skepticism, suspicion and fear. The story in Mark 5 reveals the hearts of many women who suffer in shame. They are afraid to speak out loud about their sin for fear of further rejection, not believing that anyone would love them as they are. When this woman reached out to Jesus He asked, “Who touched me?” giving her an opportunity to confess out loud in front of others for the purpose of healing and restoration. In verse 33 she is finally compelled to fall at His feet and tell Him everything. His answer astounds me. He calls her “daughter” and blesses her, not only with healing but also with affection, validation and encouragement. There is not one ounce of criticism in the interaction.

Similar to criticism, people pleasing is a form of manipulation. This past weekend I tried to please others at every turn to earn approval but ended up hurting the ones closest to me with impatience and anger, which caused friction in my marriage. Fortunately, I asked for forgiveness and told my husband that I needed his support and love even more when I was struggling. Then, I released the whole thing to the Lord, stepping out in faith to trust God’s love for me. God forgive me for stealing their joy!

This cycle of criticism and people pleasing is seeded by insecurity and watered by unbelief. In her book, So Long Insecurity, Beth Moore encourages the reader to remember that their security is in Jesus Christ and no one can take it away from them. She actually coaches you to say it out loud. So, taking her advice I said, “Jesus, You are my Rock and my salvation! No one can take me out of Your hands. I will not give my security to any man or woman. It belongs to You and I choose to stand securely in You.”

If you are also touching Jesus in secret I want to encourage you to share with your spouse, a trusted friend or a pastor what Jesus did for you, bringing out into the light for His glory. The only way we can walk in the light is to be transparent. Then we are free to tell our story of healing victory to anyone without shame. Yes, I am a recovering people pleaser with an insatiable appetite for approval whom God has freed. You may be too but we can all fall at His feet and tell him everything in front of everyone without fear of rejection because the truth is He adores you and always will.

Uncategorized

Deceitful Dust Devils

As a result [of spiritual maturity], we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming;” Ephesians 4:14

 Dust devils look like mini tornados. They appear in hot, arid climates and form when a dusty surface is heated up causing the air to rise and start to swirl. These funnel-like forms move quickly, picking up the dirt and debris in their path, leaving a mess in their wake. Much like dust devils the effects of believing lies are quick, messy and destructive. When you allow yourself to be deceived, and open the windows of your mind to the debris of condemnation and doubt, it feels like a dirt devil ran over your heart.

For me the whirling thoughts start soon after my button gets pushed and I am blinded by the dust and debris of the day. For example, when I hear things like, “This is the right way to do it.” My internal thought translator says, “You’ll never do it well so don’t even try.” This thought battles the truth that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Also, when I feel dismissed, used, unloved, or powerless, whether real or imagined, the winds start whirling and anger rises up in me like hot air on dry ground.  Whatever triggers the chain reactions incites only because I believe it’s true. What power I give to others by not believing God!

However, through Christ we have a way of escaping the wreckage. First, remember that God is sovereign and allows the whirlwinds that stir up the garbage. Why? Because only when we recognize the garbage as sin will we release it to Him. Second, we are very precious to God and He is the only One who should define us. Christ paid a high price for us, and value is based on what someone is willing to pay. The truth is I don’t have to be the best, or the smartest, or the most creative. What joy that brings to my heart when I live in the freedom Christ died for me to experience! I want to live, moment by moment, in the reality of Christ’s love for me and avoid the deceitful dust devils that come with doubting God.

Gospel, Hope

Fools for Christ

“For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe.” 1 Corinthians 1:21

April is a month of favorites in New England. Spring melts away the tension of winter, the air is actually warm when the sun shines and the Easter celebration arrives. Still, April 1st has not been a favorite for me until now.  Traditionally, April Fool’s Day is celebrated by deceiving people into thinking or believing something that is not true in a lighthearted, fun way.  However, the foolishness of the gospel is the exact opposite.  The simplicity of God’s plan boggles the mind. It doesn’t make sense that we are offered a free gift without having to earn it.  Our first reaction is to ask, “What’s the catch?” But it is true.

When I came to know Christ eighteen years ago my eyes were opened by God to the truth and I believed not because I was convinced in my mind by a skillful argument but because God revealed Himself to me and I KNEW Him.  It was as real an experience as if I had met a person in the flesh.  He not only revealed Himself as my savior but LORD, convicting me to the core that I was a sinner living apart from a Holy God and I desperately needed someone to save me from God’s judgement.  It is hard to write it in those terms because it makes God sound mean but He is so loving.  He is the judge who determines good from evil and holiness from unrighteousness but he is also the Redeemer, sentencing justly and then paying the penalty Himself. It is foolishness to the world. But, isn’t it foolishness not to take the free gift and run? Isn’t it foolishness to run away from, instead of into, the arms of a loving God who takes away my sin and shame?

Also, like the inheritance of a rich father’s child, salvation is free to those who believe. “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God–” John 1:12    We don’t have to continue earning our salvation because we are His children.  It is finished and there is nothing we can do to change our heritage in Christ.  So, in Paul’s words, “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great [resurrection] power for us who believe….” Ephesians 1:18-19a.

Therefore,  since we are Fools for Christ, let’s celebrate, decorating with the centerpiece of our Risen LORD, Who, by His resurrection power, brought us from death to abundant life.  No joke.

Uncategorized

More than a Billionaire

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of the inheritance in the saints…”  Ephesians 1:18

We are children of the King, His princesses and part of The Bride of Christ, and our inheritance is Jesus Christ Himself!  This means we are far richer than any billionaire this world could ever produce.  Imagine the immensity of His wealth and then ponder the fact that you are in His will. Not His plan for your life but His literal will, the Book of Life.

The hope of His calling is for us to be little Christ’s, reflecting His glory wherever we are planted, here and now.  The riches of the glory of the inheritance is not only for the here and now but for eternity.  Just think of the glory that will be shining from Christ’s face when we see Him in heaven! Amen